Invisible Mountains

One more month. I can't tell whether time is going by fast or slow. There are times that it feels like both. The fact is that I've been here a while, but I can't lose sight of the fact that it's not over. I've been missing home A LOT lately and that sucks. Obviously I don't want to feel this way (in actuality I never thought I would very much) but have to deal with the fact that I do. I have to fight the temptation to just drudge through these last weeks only thinking about the end, and actually take full advantage of them. I know I've been here a while, and if it was over tomorrow would feel satisfied with the amount of time I've spent here and the amount I've learned. Turns out it's not over tomorrow and I don't think that's just an arbitrary thing. I'm here for 5 months (minus some change) and I think God intends to use all of that time. It's not like he only wanted me here for 4 months but could only find a 5 month program on the internet so I'm just stuck here to do whatever I feel for the next 4 weeks. No, I think that I'm here for the precise amount of time that he wants me to be here and I need to make myself available to him. I have to learn to be content despite any longings to be back with family and friends or even just the extra freedom that I have at home. God wants this next month and I'm going to try my best to give it to him.

As you might be able to tell from the first paragraph, I'm dealing with some stuff. As with just about everything else that I've experienced in my time here, I've never dealt with this situation before. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of confusion. I haven't been able to wrap my head around much and actually tonight I sat down opened a word document and just started writing. Thankfully it help. I thought about just throwing that on here but it ended up being about 5 pages long so I'll just try to use some of the clarity that I gained from that exercise here. (If you do want to read a copy of that, just leave a comment with your e-mail, or e-mail me and ask.) I'll try to tap into most of the relevant stuff a little bit here.

As far as events in my life this weeks been pretty average. One thing that was pretty cool was a dinner that my non-traditional crops class organized. I guess this is a yearly tradition for the class. They choose a theme (non-traditional theme of course, meaning it's usually a typical food from a foreign country.) This year we decided to do fondue since we have an exchange student from Switzerland in the class. It was great. We all got together about a week in advance and did a little sample run through with all the food to make sure everything would work and what changes we needed to make for the real thing. We ate a lot. The menu consisted of a first course of Honduran fondue (refried beans mixed with melted mozzarella and served with tortilla chips) The second course was the typical cheese fondue with three types of cheese served with hard bread and veggies. Then we had the meat! mmmmm. Each group had their own pot of hot oil in which to cook pieces or raw steak and fresh shrimp. (There was lots of this left over in the back so us workers got our fill too) The desert consisted of a mixture of different fruits drizzled with chocolate fondue. (I'm getting hungry again) In addition to all of this we had student representatives from various countries performing traditional dances for the guest. It was really entertaining and they were really good. Overall it was a lot of fun and a big success as everyone repeatedly thanked us afterward.

In other food news I've been invited to Thanksgiving dinner next Saturday. The American faculty members and their families apparently get together to celebrate holidays that they don't have here, and myself and the other American students get to tag along. I know it won't be the same as it is with family, but it'll be a nice taste of home and it'll be nice to speak in English for a night. (I'm noticing that a lot of my news from my time here has been about food.)

On a non edible note, however, is classes. With the semester drawing to an end it's time for big projects to be due. I have two rather large reports/presentations due within the next two weeks in my fourth year class (which ends in two weeks since the seniors will be graduating) and another presentation to add on top of that for another one of my classes. This will be the first time since I've been here that I'll be super loaded with strictly school work. I'm usually able to get enough motivation as due dates approach but will have to be a little more strategic with the twice a week trips to San Jose getting in the way.

As for the internal aspects of my life the past week or so, that's where it gets a little more confusing. I've noticed recently that I've been getting annoyed really easily and pretty often, which if you know me, isn't very characteristic. It really bothered me, and for obvious reasons I didn't like it. I thought I was turning into the scrooge or something. It seemed to me like I had been put in a room next to the most obnoxious people on campus and that I always had to sit by the people on the bus that would hang a little too far over the side of the armrest. Who knows, maybe I was being exposed to abnormal amount of inconveniences. What I did realize however, is that I was expecting everyone to accommodate me. I was doing a crappy job at loving everyone even if they're a little noise while I'm trying to sleep, or taking up more than their allotted space and encroaching into mine, or just anyone that isn't necessarily easy to love. God commands us to love as he loved, to die to ourselves, and to be servants and slaves to everyone (Mat. 20:26-28) I wasn't doing that and it was showing in my attitude, if even only to me.

So I've already used the word confusing a few times and nothing I've said so far seems to be that confusing. I don't even know how to explain why things are confusing other than to say that they are. Like with what I feel like God is trying to teach me lately. Well, the answer that I've come up with is precisely "confusion" or maybe put better, just not knowing. I definitely feel that God has been working in my life these past couple weeks and felt like he was teaching me. I just couldn't put into words or even know myself what was going on. Maybe I'm not supposed to. I think that's it. Or maybe it's not that I'm not supposed to, but rather it doesn't matter if I don't know what's going on or what God is doing. It's not required that I know what God is doing in order for him to do it. The only thing that I need to be worried about is being in right relation with him. I need to be pursuing my relationship with him and going to him and listening and obeying and nothing else matters. As long as I'm doing that and not trying to figure out what I think God should do or what I think is best, God is going to accomplish what he wants to accomplish. As long as I'm doing that, God can use me whether I'm aware of it or not. "I don't know" isn't always a wrong answer.

So I guess to wrap up I'd just like you guys to be praying for me. I hope you'd ask God to give me the strength to be strong and patient these next few weeks, that I'd keep my mind here and on him. I'm not saying that I'm not going to be looking forward to coming home and that that's not something I should be hopeful and joyful about, just that I don't want that to become the entirety of my remaining time. Pray for me in the little things like getting homework done and not wasting too much time on ESPN.com. Pray for my attitude and that I'll be able to love the people around me even if it's just for a quick bus trip. Pray that I would be able to be vulnerable to God to use this last month anyway he'd like. I miss you guys a lot and I know that it's going to be great when I see you again. I look forward to hearing from you all over these next few weeks and it always fills me with joy when i get to talk to you, but right now I'm here and I think that's exactly where God wants me to be. Let's finish well.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Panamania

Oh man... it's been a while since I've done this. Sorry to those of you who have checked for an update recently to find the same old posts. It's been a pretty crazy last few weeks, but I'm going to have to blame laziness for the delay. Anyway, here we go. (I didn't proof read this either, so sorry in anything doesn't make sense.)

About 2 and a half weeks ago I headed out of Costa Rica and headed toward Panama with a hand full of other students. It was closing in on my three month visa limit and pretty conveniently I was going to have the whole following week free. (The first year student had there week of integration that meant no first year classes for the week. My fourth year class was also canceled.) I left at 6 am on Saturday with two other exchange students (some others had left a day or two before). We had a relatively painless time getting to the border and once there had to walk over this big bridge that happened to have a board missing hear or there, so you had to pay attention where you stepped. Once across the bridge and officially in Panama we had to pay our gringo fee (the students from other countries didn't have to pay anything.) and then we were of to the island of Bocas del Toro. To get there you had to take a bus or taxi to the water and then from there take a water taxi to the island. We managed to get suckered a little bit and had to pay a little more than we should have for all that. It's all part of the experience though, right? Once on the island we weren't exactly sure where the others were. We had agreed on a couple different hostels and went around checking for them. After an unsuccessful loop we decided just to get rooms and hope we ran into them later. They did eventually find us when we were cooking dinner that night. We visited a few different beaches, most of which were pretty empty and with the clearest ocean water I'd ever seen. We also got a chance to go snorkeling and see come of the coral just of the coast in a few different places. I don't think it's necessarily a snorkeling hot spot of the world, but for a first timer it was pretty cool to see the different kinds of coral and fish. I even found a whole sand dollar that I dove down and got, but unfortunately it broke in my hand before I could get it back to the boat. We also took a boat tour to this cove that several dolphins swimming around in it. I wasn't able to get many good pictures of them as there were like 8 or 9 boats driving around trying to see them. One did jump completely out of the water one time though, which was really cool. Other than that we just kind of used the few days there to relax, eat some non cafeteria food (the Indian restaurant was delicious) and just get to know each other better. It was nice spending sometime together away from school and seeing people in a different setting. I think it brought us all closer together.

We all left on the fourth day and me and my friend Chelsea decided to break the trip back into two days, so we stopped in Peurto Viejo on the way back. I'd already gone to Puerto Viejo at the beginning of the my time here, but this stay was a bit different. (Side note: I found my first mango since I've been here at a little fruit stand there, and it was SOOOO good. I bought two) We decided to stay at this place that Chelsea had heard about called Rockin J's. This place was really cool and unique, but I doubt I would have stayed there if it had just been me. I glad I did though. It was an interesting experience. They had a few rooms with bunk beds for rent as well as a "Pimp Suite" (Not sure exactly what that consists of) but most of the property was filled with Tents on the raised covered deck, or two pavilions that housed about 60 hammocks each. when you rented your tent/hammock you were also given a key to a locker to keep all your stuff in. The place was decorated pretty cool too. pretty much all the walls or doors were covered with some sort of random mural. All the tables had been covered with random stuff as well, from money to cell phones all glued and sealed to the surface. There were signs mandating daily showers, a 30 day stay limit and my favorite, a sign prohibiting the smoking of marijuana and telling anyone who wanted to partake to take it to the beach. To cap it all off there was a metal wire dragon along the top of the outside wall protecting from intruders. After we checked in we hitch hike down the road a ways and find a good beach. (sorry mom) After walking a little ways and getting passed up by several cars we got picked up by a guy that just stopped next to us and didn't even get off his phone once we got in. Once his call was over and we got to talking we found out that he owns one of the first hotels built in Puerto Viejo called Playa Chiquita. He was a really cool guy and his name was Wolf. (Not like a mean nickname or anything... he was German and I guess that's a normal name there. Either way it's sweet) We got to his hotel and he pointed us in the way of the beach and told us we could use his property as long as we wanted. It had been raining most of the day and was still a little overcast which gave the beach a cool feel to it. After we were done swimming decided to walk back to our hostel along the beach instead of the road again. This was a great idea because on the way we came across this momma dog with three little puppies, one of which looked a lot like my dog Toby did when he was little. The rest of the night was pretty chill and the town was pretty dead. (It was a Tuesday in the off season) I got up early the next day and headed back to the University by myself since Chelsea didn't have to back back and wanted to visit some friends she had made there a few months ago. The trip back wasn't too bad and I was able to navigate it pretty easily. I met another guy from the states that going the same way as me for most of the trip so I was able to talk to him for a while too.

I got back to school and had just about enough time to eat shower and pack before leaving again that afternoon for the golf course in San Jose. With my extra free days I decided I'd work (Wed.-Mon.) instead of just wasting them inevitably sitting in front of my computer all day at the school. I'm really glad I went. Even though I'd been away from the University the few days before this was also a much deeded break and change of scenery. I was able to relax as I had a lot of time to myself in the afternoons and evenings. I was able to get to know the people that I'm working with a little better than I would have if I hadn't been there more than just one day at a time. I was able to go to a couple movies (Zohan and Saw 5) and the guy that works in the club house gave me a stack of coupons for free meals at Taco Bell, so I hit that up a couple times as well. One of the really cool things about this trip though was that I was able to go to church for the first time in 3 months. The assistant superintendent (Deborah, who actually graduated from EARTH a couple years ago) attends a church about a block or so away from the golf course so I went with her to youth night on Friday. They weren't kidding when they said youth night. Besides me and Deborah and the guys leading the group, everyone else was at least 5 years younger than me. It was good though. It was nice to be able to worship with people again, even if I didn't know what all the words meant. It was even fun playing the game of the night, 4 on the couch. I actually got pretty into it, always gotta try to win everything. (which my team did) I was even able to meet up with Daniel (my old Spanish teacher) to get some coffee, catch up a little, and mainly just to give him his keys back for him mom's house. Work was good too. Like I said I got to spend a good amount of time with the other people that work there and got to know them better, but I also learned some stuff too. Probably my favorite was learning how to use the greens mower. It's what's called a real mower that has blades that rotate on a cylinder instead of the typical helicopter style mowers. It's actually harder to operate than it looks. That, combined with rainy season wet and steep inclines can be pretty tricky. (I only fell down the hill once though. Apparently it happens to everyone when they're learning)

Since then things have gone back to normal. I've been busy with classes and I've started my normal rotation of Mondays and Wednesdays at the golf course. I feel like I've been learning a lot from God lately too, to the point where I'm still kind of mulling through it right now and if I start writing in my confusion will probably just ramble on more than usual, so I'll save that and try to write something this weekend. Plus I need to catch up on some sleep, so I guess that's where I'll leave things for now. I think I'll pretty much be in this same schedule from now until the end of classes, but I'll try to keep up with the posts a little better. Thanks again for reading, and I just want you to know that I appreciate all the prayers that you send my way, and know that I'm trying to return the favor.